my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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