I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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