Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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