remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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