it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
you never un-have a 4some
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
