Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
