On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
