Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
