She said her name was "party"
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
