When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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