Jerry, you need to find god
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize