White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
