does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
