They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
