We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
