I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
