The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
