apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is wine microwaveable?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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