I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I deserve this hangover.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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