I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
