You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
