she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
