I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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