Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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