Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
