Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
