Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
