Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
