never play flip cup with pint glasses
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
