Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
