two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
