Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my being single is dangerous.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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