i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
