We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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