You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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