I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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