so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
