There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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