can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
