Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
