i think my tv is drunk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
