I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
