I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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