i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize