Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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