So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
