So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
