It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
