There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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