sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
