I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
