oh god the rape fog is back!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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