ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
