The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Boobs are out for the taking
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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