you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He did a backflip because drugs
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