i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
