He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
