If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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