Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
