I love black thongs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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