Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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