I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize