these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
