Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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