Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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