I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
