Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
