Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
