Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
