Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize